That my heart is in two different places
I got you in my life
And I wanna do right
But it’s hard to let it go
When my love has two different faces
And I can’t break ties cause they both look right
Someone tell me
What’s a man to do
When he’s loving two.
Song Title: What’s a Man to Do
For those of you who really, truly know me – you’ll know exactly what this song represents and why it’s resonated as deeply as it has. For those of you who don’t know me personally – let’s just say that I had once put myself in quite the predicament. I happened to hear this song on my way home from work and it was as if the stars aligned instantaneously; given the day which was had, I was immediately inspired to take the anger and disappointment I had felt and turn it into (what I hope to be) a kick-ass post.
Have you ever wanted something to work out so badly, you find yourself rationalizing the irrational? You convince yourself that it’s completely normal; that realistically (if you REALLY think about it) – their actions, their feelings are somewhat justified. You empathize so intensely with what they’ve struggled with, what they’ve had to face in their life that you almost de-prioritize your feelings and your desires in order to fulfill theirs. You think, there’s so much they have yet to experience, they deserve it, I can help give it to them. I can help inspire them to be a better version of themselves. That’s where it all starts, you start investing your time, your efforts, your love into this person – knowing they haven’t completely leveled with you. It’s not a one-sided relationship, per se; they return your affection, they spoil you materialistically; you know they care about you but you also know that they’ll never fully be capable of reciprocating the type of love you’re able to give.
So, to answer the foremost question – what’s a man to do? A real man would’ve chosen; a real man would never allow himself to care for another as intimately as he did for the one he “loved;” a real man wouldn’t ever be in two places, because a real man invests all his time, all his efforts, all he desires into one.
Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
Someone once told me, one of the worst things to experience in life was unrequited love; little did they know that they wouldn’t just be a victim of it but they’d actually cause it for another. I’ve spent countless hours attempting to rationalize what he had thought, how he felt, why he acted the way he did, and what his true intentions were. I’m sure plenty of you have also found yourselves replaying conversations, looking at old text messages, and wondering where & how you lost control of things. It’s time for you to say enough. I’ve had enough; I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is – I know I’m worth more than anything they could’ve ever offered.
Nowadays, it’s so incredibly easy to quit something when it gets too difficult. It’s a sad reality but the general consensus is that “there are so many other options out there, so many other people that are likely to let me do whatever I please without question; there are so many flavors I have yet to try and how will I know that this is the one until I’ve tried them all.”
These individuals are continuously looking for something better, always having one foot out the door – never fully, wholeheartedly committing. I’m no relationship expert and I don’t have the background to practice psychology but I can almost guarantee that the same individuals will never truly find the happiness or fulfillment they’re looking for. Why not? you may be asking… because, they’re assholes– I mean, selfish. Until one is able to put someone else’s needs and desires before their own; they’ll never have the capacity to love selflessly. You should want someone to love you selflessly.
Take it from me when I say your gut feeling is almost always accurate – trust it, trust in yourself. Don’t fall for the fluff and they’re going to bring the fluff. They’re going to bring the A-Game of fluff; they’ll wine you, dine you – tell you everything you want to hear when you want to hear it. The true testament is whether they act on what they’ve so slyly promised – words are just words until there’s action that define them. Actualization with conviction is the kind of love you deserve – don’t settle for anything less.
In the end, when things are said and done, it’s time to start picking up the broken pieces of what could’ve been; it’s time to start healing. I’m speaking to myself more than anything but it’s time to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for all the bullshit you put up with; forgive yourself for the lapse of judgement in his character; forgive yourself for allowing him to make you feel inferior; forgive yourself for even entertaining the thought of settling for less than what you know you deserved. It’s time to leave the past in the past, you have lived through it and you’ve learned from it. That’s all you can really do, that is what you’re supposed to take away from all this.
Believe me when I tell you this – you deserve all the love in the world.